Perhaps the Coronavirus is a forced slow down to look within and heal. We're all dealing with panic around uncertainty and fear which takes a toll on our immune system. We can't always find external solutions we can heal internally. 

You don’t have to be stuck at home twiddling your thumbs. Slowing down is imperative to healing the mind, body and soul. I’ve actually been meaning to slow down for a while, but it never happened until I was forced to slow down. I was always looking for a “crutch” to fill my time because being stuck with my own thoughts is honestly a scary place to be. 

Every problem comes with its own solution. A forced slowdown will make you bitter or it will make you better. If you’re truly interested in healing here are a few suggestions of things you can do to incorporate healing and wellness both internally and externally. 

Meditation-Strengthen your connection to spirit, God, the universe whatever you want to call it or not call it through meditation. Meditation might sound woo woo to you, but I wouldn’t suggest it if it didn’t work. Meditation isn’t easy when you first start, but it becomes much more rewarding with practice. Maybe you don’t know where to start; I would suggest YouTube. We are truly blessed that we are able to get so much free content on the internet whenever we want. There are different styles of meditation, so try a few, find what you like and develop your own practice. Side note- you don’t have to be religious to meditate-meditation works for everyone. 

Journaling- put your thoughts and fears on paper. Journaling is also a very healing practice. I often journal after I have cleared my mind with meditation. I'm also sharing a list of 11 journaling prompts I put in my 30 day self-love challenge in the link below. 

Change your health habits- If you’ve been meaning to eat better, now is the perfect time to cook healthy meals. Eating healthy will strengthen your immune system and give you more energy. You can download my list of immune boosting foods in the links below. 

 Now is also a great time to exercise. Exercise will strengthen your immune system and release endorphins to improve mood. My sister and I are selling our home workout program for 60% off right now with code FFH30 at checkout. The link to purchase is below. If money is tight I again suggest that you turn to YouTube where you can find  free workouts.

Be of help to others. We are distancing physically but we don’t have to distance socially. Call your friends and family to check on them. Go to the grocery store or run errands for the older population or others who don’t have the resources as long as you can do it without putting yourself at risk. If you’re thinking about someone reach out and let them know. Just the thought will go a long way. Or maybe they need some help but don’t know how to ask. 

 We are all scared and uncertain right now. It is a strange time in the world and most of us aren’t used to staying in, but we can adapt and respond without reacting. You get to choose who you want to be during this difficult time. 

Links: 
Immune Boosting Food Guide: pbf_immunity_boosting_food_guide.pdf
Journaling Prompts: pbf_journaling_prompts.pdf
60 % Off Home Workouts with code FFH30 @ checkout Work Out
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I will never forget the day my life changed. For whatever reason I  looked in the mirror that day. When I saw the sunken brown eyes and bag of skin and bones staring back at me, I felt so disconnected from myself. I had no idea who I was and I felt a true and deep nearly indescribable soul sickness. I knew that death was at my door. I didn’t want to die but I couldn’t survive many more days the way I was living. That night as I laid in bed something inside me told me to ask for help. I cried out to a God I didn’t understand and begged for help. I had surrendered and found myself in a detox facility a week or so later.
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 Fast forward to the pink cloud of early sobriety. I started working the 12 steps and leaning on other people for help.  In doing so I became a better human. I started to feel good about myself and began working out regularly. Working out helped me sweat out all the junk and obviously created endorphins, aka happiness. Being the happiness seeker that I am, I decided to exercise and exercise as much as possible. I was finally addicted to something good. I was working through past trauma, writing my wrongs and rebuilding my life. I thought I had it all figured out. Looking back I realize that the exercise took the same path as drugs. I kept chasing that endorphin release, the natural high and when one thing quit working I moved on.

I started exercising at home because I couldn’t afford a gym membership. My home exercise routine led me to Crossfit. Crossfit felt great but as I started to gain not only muscle but body-fat my happiness was stunted. I liked the feeling but the results weren’t making me happy. So what did I do? I hired a coach and signed up for a bodybuilding competition. If I got into the best shape of my life and got this awesome six pack life would be good. I would be worthy and I would be loved.

​Through pure will stemming from my body insecurities, I punished myself through diet and exercise.  Starving myself to compete left me in a constant brain fog, and I even lost my period. But hey, I was 7% body fat and had that six pack which was everything I wanted. I even managed to win quite a few trophies. This created a sense of accomplishment and even joy. There were moments where I felt happy, because I had finally accomplished something that made me worthy in my own eyes, but eventually the competition season ended and I fell off my high horse.

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​Eating everything in sight on top of an extremely damaged metabolism led to serious weight gain. Within one month of my last competition I had gained 40 pounds. I weighed 89 pounds on stage so I nearly doubled my body weight. This was devastating at the time. I had worked so hard for happiness –aka the perfect body and overnight it was gone. I didn’t know what to do so I resorted to my most natural reaction. –Punish myself. I couldn’t stop eating; I had literally lost control, so I decided to punish myself more by becoming bulimic.

I struggled for months and even found myself in eating disorder rehab. All along, I just wanted to be happy. Sobriety, my friends, my family, they all created moments of joy but it was incomplete. After all of this you think I would realize that every method I was trying to deem myself worthy so I would be happy just wasn’t working. I wasn’t quite to that realization but I started to get closer.
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I began healing my relationship with food by stopping the starve binge diet cycle and learning how to eat more intuitively. My relationship with food drastically improved but I still had a very punishing attitude towards myself and continued to beat myself up in the gym. I quickly  began feeling lost as I wasn’t doing anything spectacular with my life at the moment. I wasn’t winning any competitions, or going to extreme measures to get validation to prove my worthiness, so I signed up for another competition except this time it was power-lifting.

​​In my mind, this was a completely healthy choice because there was no diet involved. It was better but it was still a search for happiness and validation outside of myself.  I competed, was actually very strong, won some medals, and boom. The bouts of happiness and joy weren’t enough to carry me.

It was around this time that a casting director had come across my Instagram account and thought I would be a good candidate for The Titan Games. Ummm.... Hell yes!  I’m going to meet The Rock, I have such a powerful story, this is it! What could make me happier than competing on TV and also sharing my story as a face of addiction. I think my heart was in the right place but it just wasn’t meant to be. Validation from a bigger audience wouldn’t solve my problems.

 Within the same month of submitting my casting tape, I started getting horrible headaches, and becoming overly forgetful. I ignored my symptoms until I looked in the mirror and realized one of my eyes was drooping. I called some people and it was collectively decided I should go to the hospital. I spent a month in and out of the hospital getting spinal taps with no explanation to symptoms other than high spinal pressure. Things kept getting worse and after a 3rd hospital stent I was referred to a neuro ophthalmologist.

This doctor, who I believe to be my saving grace ran a few tests and realized I was losing my vision. He got me into another hospital that day where the doctors put a drain in my spine and set me up for surgery to figure out what was going on in my head-literally.  The surgery revealed that there was a blood clot in the left ventricle of my brain and my CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) pressure was extremely high. To make a long story shorter I had some surgery’s, a stent placement, and I was out of the hospital with a long road of recovery and anti-coagulation therapy ahead of me.

​I was unable to work out and completely devastated after the doctors told me that I would probably never be able to power-lift again. As I write this, I’m almost in tears as this random illness that made no sense to doctors is beginning to come full circle. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So how do I explain a rare brain disorder at 27 despite otherwise being perfectly healthy?

My Higher Power, source, the universe, God whatever you want to call it did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. He/she intervened and slowed my ass down and I mean way down. I was given time to be forced to find happiness and fulfillment without exercise. Despite the now obvious intervention, it wasn’t obvious at the time and I still continued to hurry through life. Within two weeks of stent placement I had gone back to work full time, working harder than ever to be the best employee.
Within a month I had packed up and moved into my own place and within 6 months I decided to become a full time student on top of my full time job. I was still searching to find fulfillment based on validation of outside accomplishments.
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Today I choose to turn to love in all of my thoughts and actions. This includes how I treat, speak to and think of others. I'm not even close to perfect at always being kind and non judgmental. I slip up all the time but what matters is I have the awareness and I can choose to act and think differently.  Publishing this blog is an act of love. By sharing my story with others I can help them see where they’ve looked to the wrong placed to find happiness by acting on fear. By publishing this blog I am actively choosing to not act on fear. Please know that you are worthy and always enough just as you are.

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​-Lacey